You can tell a lot about a person based on what they have in their basket. As I was going aisle by aisle in my Target store looking for my usual New Year’s Eve sparkling non-alcoholic beverage, while others grabbed their sparkling wine, I begin to think about what a stranger could infer about me….
1. Definitely have kids..
Well this one is obvious right? Because no adult person without kids would willingly buy sparkling grape juice, unless of course they don’t drink alcohol, in which they would completely avoid the fake shit, so yep, undeniably a parent.
2. Don’t need alcohol to have fun..
Uh..Yeah right…Who am I kidding? Most people wouldn’t think that.
3. Young, married and beautiful, yet have no adult plans..
Okay, okay so I added the young beautiful part, but no adult with party plans would be drinking this stuff. And of course, if I were going to be with adults, then the sparkling grape juice would’ve been accompanied by another bottle, of the alcoholic variety, (which it wasn’t). Hence, no adult plans, which leads into the next one.
4. Watching the New Year’s Eve Crystal ball drop in comfortable PJ’s..
If the conclusion’s been drawn that (1) I have kids and (2) I have no adult plans, then one may conclude that I will not be wearing a party dress, dancing my ass off on NYE. Besides, nothing says I’ll be flipping channels between NYE shows in my sweatpants like a nice bottle of sparkling grape juice.
5. She’s a lightweight…
Hey, that might be the case, BUT, if there’s a day to challenge yourself it’s NYE…
And lastly and probably most likely is…
6. Probably won’t even make it to midnight..
Yep, the awful, inevitable, terribly, embarrassing truth. Despite all my efforts, I may or may not even make it for the countdown…