Happy Endings has a plethora of meanings (or at least that’s what Google tells me), but for me, it’s that feeling I get as a parent when something good happens in my favor. I have assembled a list of some of my best happy endings….of the parental kind.

1. Going out with my kids and not having to take one of them poop.

I wish I could say the happy ending is going out with my kids and not stepping foot in a public bathroom, but that would be wishful thinking. My kids must have bladders the size of peas. It never fails, despite me forcing them to squeeze out any drops before we leave the house, and depriving them of any liquids except their own saliva, one of them always needs to go to the bathroom.  And of course its never just pee. Imagine this….me, squatting, holding up a 50 lb child over the toilet, every muscle in my body shaking, waiting for something to drop, possibly splashing on its descent down……….disgusting I know.

2. A night without a 2 am wake-up call from my child who just peed in the bed.

Luckily this is a thing of the past, but it does deserve an honorable mention. I live for that moment after a long day and I finally get in the bed, exhale and my body completely relaxes. Aaaaahhhhh. Then my mind finally stops running through everything I didn’t get done and everything I still have left to do. My eyes finally shut, and I fall asleep. Then the door opens, and out from the shadows emerges a half-naked figure, standing over me and it could only be one reason. I have to then get up, clean the bed, wash sheets and wash the kid……….talk about a nightmare.

3. Going an entire day without a complete emotional breakdown of one of the kids.

I have 2 girls, and I realize now as punishment for the ‘tude I gave my mom, I am getting it all back ten-fold. My girls are always fighting about something. And when they’re not fighting, they are upset about something. So if I can go an entire day without tears or conversations about how miserable their privileged lives are, I have my happy ending.

4. At day’s end not having to make a trip to the Emergency Room.

Luckily, I can say I have been able to avoid this lately (knock hard, 2 hands on wood, and knock again for good measure). But, whenever I am downstairs and I hear a loud thump from upstairs, I wait to hear if this is THE time my 6 yr old karate chopped his way to a broken limb.

5. My children having a homework day without any math or word problems.

Any parent of a school age child dreads the days their child comes home with math homework. Firstly, the way we were taught math is completely different then how it’s taught now, and I know that’s just an excuse because, I don’t remember many of it anyway. If two trains leave the station at the same time…BLAH BLAH BLAH. But, right now we’re just trying to tackle carrying. Do you remember the trouble you had? I do. It’s hell trying to teach my daughter this…….as I think to myself….JUST CARRY THE DAMN ONE!! Math happens, I am going to add on to this happy ending….Doing math homework without any tears.

6. Going an entire day without having constantly pulling out a wedgie or pulling up a bra strap.

I added this one because today was a bad wedgie day. I wore a dress and neglected to choose the proper panties, so all day my panties were in my ass, UGH. Sat down, got up, in my ass. Walked ten steps, crept in my ass. It was a reminder to me, to bypass the itty bitty bikini next time I’m digging in my panty drawer. And the bra. Women. You know we have a favorite bra. It’s already broken in and its comfortable. Fits our body like a glove. Maybe we don’t wash it as much as we should, but its been good to us. But now, no matter how much I adjust the straps, they still fall down and I spend all day pulling it up from my arm. It’s time to finally let it go. Can we have a moment of silence for old faithful………………………………………………………..Resume

7. Giving my husband a huge kiss and a promise for some loving at the end of the day.

This is more a happy ending for the hubs, but it takes two right? Well at least for this happy ending, let’s say it does. So your hubs was a huge help today, and instead of cursing him like usual for not understanding your daily struggle, he did something thoughtful and maybe even helpful so he deserves a little something extra.

8. Being able to brush and floss my teeth and the end of the day.

This is a big one. Good dental health is important. On a normal day, I get in one good tooth brushing and a trip to the bathroom after lunch for a quick water swish and swipe of a napkin. But by the end of the day I am spent. The task of  walking to the bathroom, reaching for the toothbrush, finding the toothpaste, pushing the toothpaste up from the bottom (because I am the only one who knows the proper way to properly squeeze toothpaste from the tube), putting it on the toothbrush, and lifting my arm in a back and forward motion to brush, just seems like too much of a task. Any day I have the energy for a second brushing is a good day and gives me my happy ending.

9. Having a conversation with an adult with my kid present and them not monopolizing the conversation.

How many times has this happened to you? I’m having a conversation with an adult, with my kid waiting impatiently beside me and I say something that triggers a memory with my child. And that’s all they need to start rambling personal, embarrassing things about stuff that should not be told to people outside of our house. And of course the adult is completely amused and interested and next thing I know the adult is at eye level with my 6 year old who’s spilling his guts about everything that happened to everyone in our house the last few days.

10. Taking my kids to the dentist and leaving without an appointment to fill a cavity.

Dentist visits are a crap shoot. On our way there, I start to remember all the things she told me not to do. No granola bars (my kids love those things), no gummy snacks (What?!? Don’t those count toward your daily serving of fruit?), and floss (Did you read #8?).

 

Do you have any happy endings? I will include them in my next Happy Endings list (of course maintaining your anonymity if you so wish).

 

 Make Motherhood Funny!!

Til Next Time

-C