To say I’m not big on dieting is an understatement. I complain about everything I eat going straight to my stomach, but I love food too much to limit my intake. I love the smell of (store bought) home made chocolate chip cookies. My mouth waters when I think about ice cream. So when the husband suggested we diet together, I pretended to ignore him. Besides, I like to improve my eating habits around the spring and summer months, so my belly won’t flop completely over my bikini bottom, or peek through my tankini. But he was persistent, wanting to jump on the Whole 30 bandwagon. So I reluctantly agreed. But a week or so in, I created my..
10 commandments of dieting
1. Thou shalt must, thy must, thy must decrease thy bust…
AND ass, hips, thighs and stomach. (a girl’s gotta have goals)
2. Thou shalt hang bikini on door to remind thyself what this is for.
Yeah, yeah, eating healthy is good for the body. And that’s an important reason, but you want to put your body in something that makes you feel sexy. Believe me, when you start to crave, seeing the bikini will come in handy.
3. Thou shalt read every fucking nutritional label. TWICE.
Everyone on the Whole 30 shakes head in unison.
4. Thou shalt avoid temptation.
This one was the hardest as the kids have a pantry filled with sinfully delicious (non-Whole 30 compliant) snacks.
5. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s plate.
It only took about 10 days before I stopped drooling over my kid’s plate. I still catch myself watching them eat.
6. Thou shalt cry on the inside like a winner.
This diet was hard on me. I have an emotional connection with ice cream, so for us to part ways for 30 days left me a little sad.
7. Thou shalt not hate skinny people.
I secretly want to stick my foot out and trip the younger skinny people who have motivated metabolisms.
8. Thou shalt try to limit the times I say “WTF” and “I’m fucking hungry”.
I just limit it to saying it under my breath.
9. Thou shalt wear stretchy pants to give oneself a false sense of success.
It’s the nuggets of hope that keep you going. Dieting is a mental game.
10. Thou shalt not step on the scale.
Not only does the Whole 30 control my diet, it also tells me I can’t check the scale to see my progress. (Takes clothes off, walks to shower, and inadvertently steps and pauses on the scale.) What? It was an accident.
I’m complaining a lot, but I if you can get pass the very restrictive diet, then the Whole 30 is not a bad choice. In a short amount of time, I have noticed a change in my body. Without exercise, I have definitely lost weight and inches. My skinny jeans no longer restrict my circulation. I didn’t feel the big boost in energy that everyone else talks about, but maybe my non-stop lifestyle left me too busy to notice. I will be done with my diet on Valentine’s day. I will snuggle up to my sweetie. We will get reacquainted with each other. Oh, my husband will be there too, but I’m not sharing my ice cream.
Good luck and happy dieting! Come back to refer to my 10 commandments to help you along the way!
Til Next Time,